AWAKE AND UNAFRAID // ASLEEP OR DEAD
I want to get this out into the world, but I don't know what to say. I never know what to say. There are so many stories I haven't told because I don't know how to put them and I'm worried the words I come up with won't do them justice.
A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT is a zine about mortality by two people sure they shouldn't be here--one standing at the very edge of nothingness, hanging on by the thinnest thread, having seen how far the pit goes and how dark it is & the other one miles from the precipice but convinced their time is any minute now & living in the paralyzing shadow of the fear of it. It's about someone who thinks they're a ghost, and someone who only sees ghosts. It's about watching your life sneak away from you & living consumed with the dread that it is. It's about hospitals, surgery, loss, legacies, hospice, minivans. Feeling like you're never enough. Cobwebs & ugliness & unreality. No comfort of an afterlife. This is your life, this is what you get. What the fuck are we doing here?
32 pages of the deepest ruminations on death & nothingness & what it means to disappear or be a living ghost by Jonas & me.
Typewritten (his), handwritten (mine), collaged, quarter size (4.25" x 5.5"), photocopied with love; cover art by Heather Kelly (Sick Pleasure).
-Julia Eff http://crapandemic.storenvy.com/