FOR ALL THE BRETT KAVANAUGHS OF THE WORLD:
I'M TIRED OF DYING FOR YOUR FUCKING SINS
NO SALVATION // NO FORGIVENESS
Back to the bullshit-circus. It's great to dig deep with thinky thoughts about your personal emotions and struggle with the neverending grind of existence, but our country still has a madman at the wheel and I'm refreshing the twitter news with the constant low-grade anxiety where I can only feel Tired Of It All, tired of feeling unsafe again, tired of having these terrible things brought to the surface again and again.
This one's another round of shock-vomit about what the fuck is happening to my country, what the fuck are men, why the fuck do we live in a system that lets these things happen over and over and over and fucking over. How did these things happen to me in the first place. Who let this fucking shit happen.
It's an elaborate fantasy about trapping Brett Kavanaugh in an elevator and forcing him to listen to me. It's about being sad and weird and victimized in high school and growing up to be even sadder and even weirder and more victimized and being really, really fucking angry about that.
It's about how they all became fucking cops & I'm just a harmless weirdo who works at a bookstore.
It's my secret shame, shames I've only shared with close friends when I was feeling like nothing could hurt me there.
It's uncontrolled screaming.
It's penance, penance I'm forcing from people who don't think about these things anymore, people who only think about these things when they pop up again to affect their Supreme Court nominations and not day in and day out 30 years on, continuing to ruin their fucking life with the memory of the way the world has been cruel to them. Scratch that. Not the world, other people. People. People with names and addresses, who ride in elevators and eat at restaurants. People who go about their lives completely unfazed by how much destruction they've caused, how many lives they've ruined.
It's for Christine and the women in the elevator. It's for everyone watching on in horror. It's for everyone triggered to shit every fucking day by these monsters inching closer and closer to the highest powers in the land and feeling powerless to stop it.
Scream with me.
16 pages, eighth legal (3.5" x 4.25") size, typewritten, photocopied.
-Julia Eff http://crapandemic.storenvy.com/